Thunder

I’m falling asleep listening to the sounds of thunder and the occasional flicker of lightning peeking through my blinds. It’s been a difficult week, but I’m trying to get through it as best I can. I’ve been reaching out to God trying to hear from Him and listen to what He has for me. It’s been a difficult journey. I’m thankful He hasn’t left me despite my constant wishy-washiness. Lord, help me stand firm in You and your promises. Be the strong thunder and lightning in the midst of my turmoils.

Graduation 2014

I graduated! With my Masters degree!  Yippee!  My parents drove approximately 3,000 miles to join me for this wonderful celebration!  We had the BEST time!

The Marriage Game

My life right now is how I expected a typical grad student’s life to be.  Cute apartment, full time job that sort of relates to my field of study, constant cups of coffee, late nights studying, Netflix, occasional drinks with friends, plus sips from the bottle of white Zinfandel I keep in my fridge.  What’s not typical about my life as a “grown up” grad student is that I live with my awesome sister (the greatest roommate you could ask for), I live fairly close to the beach (a dream of mine), and I’m celebrating 3 years with my handsome prince of a boyfriend, Stephen.

Now, you may ask, what’s so non-typical about having a boyfriend?  Well, I attended a Christian university by choice, but with having done most of my coursework online before I moved to Virginia, I didn’t realize the weight that dating and marriage had on students.  Of course, this is not a bad weight.  Just. A weight.  And a wait.  For some.

Another thing I didn’t realize was the timing that went into relationships and marriage.  It surprised me that couples got engaged after dating for less than a year.  It surprised me that after students asked you what your major was, they followed up with “Are you dating anyone?”  I learned that side glances at men’s hands to see if they were taken was a norm, even for college students.  All of this was new to me.  I hadn’t been in relationships before and knew pretty close to zip about guys.

Then, I met Stephen.  Stephen’s the BEST guy I could ever ask for.  I prayed for a man that God had created just for me and God sent me Stephen.  Stephen and I went into our relationship knowing we would pursue marriage.  We knew we’d be committed to each other.  Then, it started.  “When are you getting married?” “Do I hear wedding bells?” And my favorite, “You’ve been dating for over a year now?! Where’s your wedding ring, honey?”

After the questions come the funny looks.  Looks of confusion and worry.  I’ve even had people assume that I’m having sex because, well, two people can’t be in a committed dating relationship and not have sex, right?  And they assume that’s the reason I’m not married because we are physically satisfied, so there’s no need to get married.  Seriously?

I’m worried that the Christian community (and perhaps a growing portion of the non-Christian community) has started putting more value in women (and couples) who are married.  That having a ring on your left hand means you’ve made it as a woman; you’ve arrived and done the very best in becoming a Proverbs 31 wife.

But, what does that mean for me?  I’m not married.  I have a good job, great boyfriend, and masters degree.  But even around friends, I’m made to feel like I still haven’t reached my ultimate goal in becoming a wife.  During my college studies, I never once was asked how close I was in getting my degree, only how close I was in getting engaged.  Stephen and I so look forward to getting engaged and married, living together, and exploring that new phase of life together.  But, it will happen when the time is right for us, even if that time is one year from now or several years from now.  We’ll continue to grow in our relationship and plan for an amazing future together.

And I encourage those who are in committed relationships, those who are single, and even those who don’t desire to be married, don’t let others tell you (or make you feel) like you are less because of the lack of a wedding ring on your left ring finger.  Continue to work on your family and friend relationships, work towards writing that book or opening your business.  Don’t let that stop you from planning your perfect Pinterest wedding, but don’t forget that YOU are important, YOU are worth it, YOU are intelligent, YOU are valuable.  Yes, even without that shiny rock.