I’m ENGAGED!!!

Ohmygoodness! I’m so happy.

More detailed blog post to come soon.

Ahhhhhhhh!

My Dream Might Be a Little Different Than Yours

 

I was having an quarter life crisis last week.  They’re not infrequent.  When your classmates and friends are flashing their engagement rings, posting about their dinner with the “hubby”, announcing pregnancies, and buying paint for their picket fences, it is hard not to have a meltdown that you haven’t reached the pinnacle of life.  Ugh.

I think to myself, “Juana, you need to get serious.  You’re getting olllld.  You’ll be thirty soon.”  But, then I snap out of it.  We’re long past the days of becoming a spinster/cat lady at twenty years old.  Why is it so terrible that the new American Dream is to go after what you want, instead of striving for the “perfect equation” = husband + 2.5 kids + white picket fence.

You can’t imagine how many shocked faces I get when I tell people I’m not married yet.  “Well, what are you waiting for?!” they ask.  They’re even more shocked when I answer “It’ll happen when it happens.”  Then, when I explain that Stephen and I want to travel, that we want to look for jobs in a lot of places and not just the city/state we’re currently living in, they really lose it.  It boggles my mind that because we are doing things differently, they can’t seem to grasp the idea of different.  And, while ultimately I can choose how these sour interactions affect me, it is these sour interactions that make me realize the single-mindedness of people.  The issue doesn’t just lie in marriage.  If someone wants to blog for the rest of their life, let them blog.  Maybe, just maybe, that makes them happy.  Perhaps, they want to stay at home with their kids.  Become a vegan.  Be a career student.  Move to Timbuktu.  Whatever.  I may not agree with decisions that everyone makes, but, in the end, it’s their decision, not mine.  Who am I to tell them that their dream is “wrong”?  Because I can assure you that my dream is “wrong”, too.

Mexico Mexico Mexico!

It’s been just under a week since I left Mexico.  And, man, do I miss it.

Here’s a little backstory:

A few years ago, Stephen and I attended a surprise engagement party that his oldest brother threw to ask his girlfriend to marry him.  It was an all-white affair and the bride-to-be was happily shocked at the proposal.  

Fast forward to around this time last year.  Stephen told me that his brother and fiance had decided on a destination wedding to Mexico.  Looking back, it seemed so far way.  I knew I needed a passport, to look for tickets, and ask off of work.  So much work needed to be done.  I remember talking with my friends and family about the trip thinking it would never come.  Mexico seemed so far away, figuratively and literally.

This past May, Stephen and I FINALLY got our passports.  Which was an *ahem* interesting experience to say the least.  In June, we bought our plane tickets and paid off our room balances.  The trip was quickly approaching.  I packed, got waxed (that’s another story in itself), gelled my nails, and settled final details.  Then, finally, the day came.

We flew out at 5:45 in the morning on a Thursday.  With little sleep, my heart pounded with the excitement of traveling out of the country.  Passports and tickets in hand, Stephen and I boarded our flight.  The sun began to rise as we rose into the sky.

From the first glimpses of Cancun from the view of the plane, I knew it was going to be an unforgettable trip.  We nervously exited the plane into the thick Mexican air.  A porter met us with a sign stating “McFoy-Brown Wedding”.  We headed to the hotel in a shuttle van playing American 80’s music.  The shuttle driver was friendly and warned us again the crocodile-filled lagoon across from our hotel.

Once we arrived at the hotel, Beach Palace, we were handed cool towels and I was given a tiny flower.  Just as we headed into the hotel, we found some of Stephen’s family members.  Since it was only 10 a.m, we decided to eat brunch and swim until our 3 p.m. check-in time.  

Now, perhaps you don’t really know how seeing vast, blue waters will affect you for the first time.  Maybe you do.  But, I will remember it forever.  It takes your breath away.  Fills your eyes with nothing else but awe.  It doesn’t satiate your wanderlust.  It makes you thirst for more.

The weekend was filled with cocktails, quesadillas, pretty dresses, tanning, poolside service, hot sand, warm ocean water, dancing, and love.  

The wedding was beautiful.  The couple glowed all day and had smiles from ear to ear.  There were happy
tears and crazy laughter.  Family is the sweetest thing.  The ceremony was held at the very top of the hotel and sparks flew (literally) as the couple said “I Do”.  

  

(These photos courtesy of Kadeem Nichols)

While the ceremony was sweet and traditional, the reception was a time to get, oh, how do they say, TURNT UP!  We partied for a good several hours celebrating the newly married Mr. & Mrs. Patrick Brown.  Shoes flew off and a Soul Train line was formed.  We laughed and slapped each other’s backs.  The later the night went on, the sweatier we got.  So, the logical conclusion was to jump in the rooftop pool with our fancy duds on. Even the bride and groom jumped.  I’m sure the hotel staff thought we were all sorts of crazy.  Here were respectable people, acting with no sense, screaming and giggling in the pool at midnight soaking in their formal attire.  It was a sight to be seen.

(Photo courtesy of Kadeem Nichols)

The return to the States was just as difficult as I thought.  I miss waking up and seeing blue water outside of my window.  I miss being an elevator ride away from a full buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I miss feeling the hot sun on my back as I dip my toes into the sand.  I felt free.

So, what do you say, Passport?  Let’s go adventuring again.

The Marriage Game

My life right now is how I expected a typical grad student’s life to be.  Cute apartment, full time job that sort of relates to my field of study, constant cups of coffee, late nights studying, Netflix, occasional drinks with friends, plus sips from the bottle of white Zinfandel I keep in my fridge.  What’s not typical about my life as a “grown up” grad student is that I live with my awesome sister (the greatest roommate you could ask for), I live fairly close to the beach (a dream of mine), and I’m celebrating 3 years with my handsome prince of a boyfriend, Stephen.

Now, you may ask, what’s so non-typical about having a boyfriend?  Well, I attended a Christian university by choice, but with having done most of my coursework online before I moved to Virginia, I didn’t realize the weight that dating and marriage had on students.  Of course, this is not a bad weight.  Just. A weight.  And a wait.  For some.

Another thing I didn’t realize was the timing that went into relationships and marriage.  It surprised me that couples got engaged after dating for less than a year.  It surprised me that after students asked you what your major was, they followed up with “Are you dating anyone?”  I learned that side glances at men’s hands to see if they were taken was a norm, even for college students.  All of this was new to me.  I hadn’t been in relationships before and knew pretty close to zip about guys.

Then, I met Stephen.  Stephen’s the BEST guy I could ever ask for.  I prayed for a man that God had created just for me and God sent me Stephen.  Stephen and I went into our relationship knowing we would pursue marriage.  We knew we’d be committed to each other.  Then, it started.  “When are you getting married?” “Do I hear wedding bells?” And my favorite, “You’ve been dating for over a year now?! Where’s your wedding ring, honey?”

After the questions come the funny looks.  Looks of confusion and worry.  I’ve even had people assume that I’m having sex because, well, two people can’t be in a committed dating relationship and not have sex, right?  And they assume that’s the reason I’m not married because we are physically satisfied, so there’s no need to get married.  Seriously?

I’m worried that the Christian community (and perhaps a growing portion of the non-Christian community) has started putting more value in women (and couples) who are married.  That having a ring on your left hand means you’ve made it as a woman; you’ve arrived and done the very best in becoming a Proverbs 31 wife.

But, what does that mean for me?  I’m not married.  I have a good job, great boyfriend, and masters degree.  But even around friends, I’m made to feel like I still haven’t reached my ultimate goal in becoming a wife.  During my college studies, I never once was asked how close I was in getting my degree, only how close I was in getting engaged.  Stephen and I so look forward to getting engaged and married, living together, and exploring that new phase of life together.  But, it will happen when the time is right for us, even if that time is one year from now or several years from now.  We’ll continue to grow in our relationship and plan for an amazing future together.

And I encourage those who are in committed relationships, those who are single, and even those who don’t desire to be married, don’t let others tell you (or make you feel) like you are less because of the lack of a wedding ring on your left ring finger.  Continue to work on your family and friend relationships, work towards writing that book or opening your business.  Don’t let that stop you from planning your perfect Pinterest wedding, but don’t forget that YOU are important, YOU are worth it, YOU are intelligent, YOU are valuable.  Yes, even without that shiny rock.