My Pregnancy and Birth Story

Hi blog-o-sphere! It’s been a while since I logged on and put “pen to paper”. My last post was almost 2 years ago. Yikes. And my my, a lot has changed since then. I left my job at a non-profit organization and started a new position with a retailer. My husband and I moved out of our one-bedroom apartment and into a condo with more space. With the start of the pandemic, we learned to navigate the changes and challenges it brought on. I gained a brother-in-law and a niece. Oh, and I got pregnant and had a baby.

It’s so interesting how everything fell into place. My husband and I were beginning talks with my OB/GYN about fertility and I was becoming discouraged that getting pregnant wasn’t as easy as the movies (and high school sex ed) made it seem. My doc wanted to start at why my periods were irregular by doing a dye test in my fallopian tubes and I was put on medication to induce a period. This was late November.

Early December, I finished the medication, but my period never came. This should’ve been my first clue that something was up. I went in for blood work to test my hormone levels (again checking to see why my periods were irregular). A few days later, I got a call from my doc saying my prolactin levels were high. Prolactin is the hormone that helps promote breast milk. This should’ve been my second clue. I still didn’t suspect pregnancy and, apparently, my doc didn’t either and they sent me to an endocrinologist to see why my prolactin was high.

I remember driving to the endocrinologist and hearing a random song on the radio made me cry. I had also been ravenous that entire week. Again, more clues pointing towards something I wasn’t expecting. At the appointment, I sat nervously waiting for the doctor. Would they tell me my hormones were way off and I needed treatments? I already had all sorts of questions and wasn’t sure if I wanted the answers to some of them. The doctor walks in, looking slightly confused. After explaining why I was there to see her, she pointblank says, “Ahh, so you’re here for fertility reasons? I wondered why they would send a pregnant woman to see me.” I blinked at her slowly and re-iterated that I wasn’t pregnant. I let her know I had just finished medication my gyno prescribed and thought maybe that could be why my hormone and prolactin levels were showing as they were. She had me take another blood test to be sure and I left the appointment with really no more helpful information than when I had arrived. Except for the inkling that something was different…why would she make that comment about thinking I was pregnant? I didn’t feel pregnant. Plus, the gyno had already taken my blood work. Wouldn’t they have seen my HCG and prolactin levels were similar to that of a pregnant woman? But, on the drive home, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the story.

Once home, I waved to Stephen and quietly slipped upstairs since he was on the phone for work. “Let me just take a quick preggo test to see…”, I thought. “I’m sure it will be negative like all the times before.” At this point, Stephen had come upstairs to see how my appointment went. As I relayed the (confusing) details, I took the test and prepped to set it on the bathroom counter. With the other tests I had taken before, I would usually cover the test with the wrapper or more toilet paper so that I didn’t peek at it before the 3 minute timer was up. But before I could even set it down, a second line began to appear. I was sure I was imagining things. Within seconds, the second line got darker. I’m pretty sure I yelled at Stephen, “Oh my God, I’m pregnant! Oh my God, I’m pregnant. It says I’m pregnant!” Because I had read tests wrong in the past, Stephen didn’t believe me. He grabbed the test stick and the packaging to figure out the results. But it was there, that second line, as dark as can be.

We both stared at each other, wide eyed and shaky. I scrambled and called my gyno’s office. “Ummmm, hi, I just took a pregnancy test and it’s positive, but I just finished a medication your office prescribed. Could that cause a false positive to show?” The nurse spoke with my doc and confirmed that the medication wouldn’t cause a false reading on the test and that I was very likely pregnant. As I’m sure most people are when they find out they are expecting, Stephen and I were in shock for the rest of the day. I had him buy more tests so I could test again in the morning, just…to…be…sure. And that digital test gave me a big “PREGNANT” result. I cried in the bathroom.

My doctor scheduled an early ultrasound to ensure all was well thus far. Stephen and I hid our little secret for two weeks and decided to announce to our families on Christmas that we were expecting. During those two weeks, my pregnancy symptoms started. I was EXHAUSTED and starting to get extremely nauseous. I started getting this nasty taste in my mouth and headaches began persisting. I was not feeling great, but I reveled in the fact that we’d soon be sharing the great news with our loved ones.

Come Christmas morning, I felt sicker than usual, but also due to the fact that TODAY was the day. I was so excited to tell our families we were having a baby. Because Stephen’s family is in New York, we broke the news over video chat. His mom screamed with joy and it felt so nice to have someone other than us know. Later that day, we drove to my parents’ house for dinner. In an effort to get a good picture before we stuffed ourselves with delicious food, my sister suggested taking a family photo. This was the perfect opportunity…I handed my phone to Stephen and asked him to take a picture, but, in reality, he was recording a video. Instead of saying, “Say cheeeeeese!”, he said, “Saaaaaayyy Juana’s pregnant!” My family laughed and assumed Stephen was joking. Then, I turned and confirmed the news and the announcement sunk in. It’s so fun to watch the video back and see each family member’s reactions.

Ohhhh, pregnancy. Such a joyful, expectant time. A time filled with baby room plans, name selection, and hope. A time also filled with nausea, tiredness, and a rapidly changing body. My nausea and sickness lasted well into my second trimester. I was miserable! While pregnancy is certainly a miracle, I won’t sugarcoat that having your body turn into an incubator is ROUGH! I was exhausted all the time and couldn’t keep any food down. Water tasted like sewage and my pregnancy hormones had me crying at every little thing. Finally, midway through my second trimester, I started regaining my energy and appetite back and my bump started growing. Stephen and I slowly started turning our second bedroom/office into the baby’s nursery. At 20 weeks, we found out we were having a little girl! The days counted down to baby girl’s due date. We agreed on her name and decided to keep it a secret until she was born. Summer came and me and my bump lounged by the pool. I celebrated my 32nd birthday. We had a small baby shower and started receiving lovely gifts. My belly kept growing…and growing…and growing. Once I hit the third trimester, we wondered how big our baby would be. Because I’m so small (I’m only 5 feet tall) and my husband is 6’7″, it was a toss up as to how big kiddo would actually be. It became hard to sleep. I was up most hours of the night trying to get comfortable. Not to mention the constant need to pee. I thought pregnancy couldn’t get anymore uncomfortable. HA! I was wrong.

In the last couple weeks of pregnancy, I hoped for a comfortable time. One Sunday morning, Stephen woke up to me crying in the bathroom because I had developed a headache and severe jaw pain overnight. I dealt with the pain and hoped it would get better. The next morning, it was WORSE. I called my doc and they recommended I head to a walk-in clinic. They assumed it was TMJ. I went home and hoped Tylenol would help. I woke up the next day to an even worse pain…tooth pain. The only thing that would help was sipping ice cold water, which likely meant I had some nerve damage. The pain was EXCRUCIATING. I called my dentist and got an emergency appointment, at which they confirmed I did have nerve damage and needed a root canal. They found an endodontist who could fit me in within the next hour. My dad drove me over and I waddled in as fast as I could. After the root canal, I was so happy to be pain free, but seriously, who has to get a root canal at 9 months pregnant? Not fun! But, I thought the pain was over. HA!

That same night, I started getting bad back contractions which landed us in labor and delivery triage. I wasn’t dilated enough, so they sent us home. Then, the rash started. An ugly rash. An itchy rash. And it started to spread. First on my backside, then down to my thighs and legs. Then, upwards to my arms. When I tell you it was itchy, that’s an understatement. I woke up crying several nights in a row because I would start scratching in my sleep which would just make the itching worse. During the day, I sat on ice packs to help. I Googled my symptoms and assumed I had PUPPPs rash, which can develop late in pregnancy. It’s not harmful, just annoying. But, at my next prenatal appointment, my doctor wanted to rule out cholestasis of pregnancy, which can cause bile to build up and can be dangerous for the baby at birth. My doc ordered blood work to make sure and confirmed I still wasn’t dilated that much, so baby girl was staying put for now. Or so we thought.

A few days later, while typing some emails for work, I received a call from my doctor. Knowing they typically only call when they need to discuss something serious, I picked up right away. The doc confirmed my blood work showed I did have cholestasis and they wanted to induce me right away. After hanging up, I shouted for Stephen and broke the news. Within a half an hour, we were on our way to the hospital. We had a last minute ultrasound to confirm baby girl was doing ok and then we headed to the labor and delivery unit. We were having a BABY!

I got dressed into the hospital gown, got hooked up to the IVs, and was started on the meds to induce labor. I got my epidural and we played the waiting game. We napped on and off. I drank broth, sipped water, and watched Tik Toks to pass the time. The doc and nurses came in to check my progress every now and then. 3 cm dilated, 4 cm dilated, 5 cm dilated, 6 cm, then 7. And I stopped at 7. For several hours. Because you have to be 10 cm dilated to begin pushing the baby out, we couldn’t progress in delivery. Baby girl’s heart rate was slowing a bit and she wasn’t descending well into my lower pelvic area, which would be optimal for vaginal delivery. So, the doctor recommended we switch plans and move towards delivering via c-section. We agreed and thus began the process of putting in more IVs, administering anesthesia, and wheeling me into an operating room. It was happening. We would get to meet our baby soon.

I was overwhelmed. And also out of it because of the anesthesia. I remember thinking, “I won’t be pregnant anymore!” and wanting to cry. After getting me situated in the OR, they let Stephen come in and sit beside me. They started the c-section. It was so bizarre knowing I was getting cut into while being awake. And that I would be meeting my baby soon.

And at 12:57 that afternoon, I heard little Charlotte’s cry for the first time as she entered the world. Well, hello there, Charlie.

Haunting of Hill House

“A ghost can be a lot of things. A memory, a daydream, a secret. Grief, anger, guilt. But, in my experience, most times they’re just what we want to see.” – Steven Crain

Last October, one chilly, quiet Saturday morning when my husband was at work, I turned on Netflix while I laid in bed. Something to absent-mindedly fill my time until I was ready to really get up. I selected the newly-added Haunting of Hill House, realizing in the back of my head it was something scary to watch. Often, I’ll put on a scary movie when I’m feeling anxious. It helps me because it’s a controlled experience for my anxiety. I can expect the scares. I know for a little while, my nerves will be tested, my heart will race, and my breath will be become short. Then, once the credits roll, the evil will have been vanquished and the antagonist is free to live unoppressed again. So, as I pressed play on HoHH, I expected the same. I’d be scared for a bit, relishing in the cathartic experience, then I’d go about my day. Who knew, a year later, I’d be watching the show for a 3rd time, as self-prescribed therapy.

The thing about HoHH is that the ghosts aren’t your average demonic presence or former living being seeking revenge. The ghosts are of the things we cower from most in our lives: fear, rejection, insecurities, failure, generational curses, grief, shortcomings, and regrets. The things we gloss over and pretend aren’t there. But try as we might, these ugly memories and feelings often bubble up in the worst ways at the most inopportune times. And this is what’s explored in HoHH.

As a horror-fan, I enjoyed the truly eerie setting and few jump scares. But, as I watched more, I began to feel a stirring that was different than I had experienced before. I was emotional as I was watching. And it wasn’t just emotion based on what the characters were feeling. It was my own emotion bubbling up.

I watched each of the characters bury and, then abruptly confront, their past. And it made me squirm uncomfortably with my own anxieties. What did I need to confront?

If you’re familiar with enneagrams, you know how intricate labeling your personality can be. Well, I’m an enneagram 6, which means I often deal with anxiety, fear, and have to consult my “inner decision committee” before making a decision. As a person who deals with so much anxiety, I sure do pack it deep down and pretend it’s not there for a while. HoHH made me drudge up feelings of self-doubt, insecurities, and fear that I try to ignore. Watching the siblings in HoHH deal with trauma they fought so hard to forget made me realize that we shouldn’t have to bury what frightens us. It causes “ghosts” to haunt us for no good reason at all.

An interesting aspect of the show that I didn’t recognize until my second viewing were the hidden ghosts that appeared randomly throughout varying scenes. I hadn’t noticed them while watching the first time. It was telling of the way we tend to know we’re dealing with heavy stuff and how we just let those ghosts live with us and stay in our backgrounds without actually facing them. It’s both terrifying and sobering.

As a show, HoHH was exceptionally good. The acting, cinematography, and production value were great. But, if offers so much more than just a fun scare to watch. It’s a deep look at how we scar ourselves in attempt to stop wounds from opening up again.

Give the show a go and I hope it’s as much of an experience for you as it was for me.

Our Trip to Spain

Our trip to Palma de Mallorca, Spain was so wonderful! We went during June, so the weather was fairly mild. We’ll likely go back in the future and hit up Barcelona and Madrid. But, Mallorca was lovely!

One of the more surprising things we found was, because Mallorca is so close to Germany, a lot of Germans inhabited the island for their holidays. And we just so happened to go as Germany was competing in the World Cup. It was ironic that my husband spent months brushing up on his Spanish and, 90% of the time, people were speaking German!

The PROS

• It was awesome being in Europe (our first time!). The culture is so different and we loved getting to experience that.
• We ventured off the resort each day and ate local foods and visited new places. The strip we were on was really long, so we could explore as much as we wanted and never ran out of things to do!
• The sun stayed up until past 10 p.m. so we felt like we got hours added to the day.
• The views are unparalleled. Miles of blue water and expansive coasts.

The CONS

• The long travel time was tiresome. Obviously, we couldn’t avoid it and knew what we were getting in to, though.
• My husband and I didn’t look like the typical German vacationer, so we got A LOT of stares while we were there. It was odd trying to enjoy our vacation while everyone had there eyes glued to us, but we quickly got over it.

Overall, it was a great trip! We took a day cruise around the island, visited a teeny alcove pirates used to visit, spent time at the Palma Aquarium, and walked miles and miles around the island, exploring. It definitely satisfied the adventurers in us ✈️🌍

Long Time No See

Hi friends! I haven’t written in a while! Things have been different, but yet very much the same. 

Some fun things I did last year: 1) Visit Spain with my husband for our 2nd wedding anniversary 2) Drove to Philly with a friend to attend a Dancehall workshop class taught by one of our favorite dancers 3) Complete my inner refocusing to help manage my anxiety 4) Got my first chemical peel 5) Discover my best curly self (check out my Instagram dedicated to curly hair: @ToCurlsWithLove_).

Work still keeps me super busy, but I’ve been trying to challenge myself in more areas to ensure I always keep growing and learning. My fitness journey is still going pretty strong. I make sure to make time for myself at the gym during the week. It’s good “me time”.

I’m sure 2019 will bring some interesting changes and developments. I don’t deal with best with change and it can cause my anxiety to go crazy. But, I’m learning to manage, take things as they come, and enjoy all of the moments, good or bad. Or at least find the silver linings in moments that are harder. 

Here’s to an exciting 2019 and to all the interesting moments in between. My advice? Take mental health days, eat some kale, then eat some ice cream. Be bold, be you! 

What Do You Weigh?

Hi y’all! It’s been a minute since I’ve blogged. I miss it. There’s something so cathartic about penning my thoughts…even if it’s just for me to read back to myself.

The last several months have been incredibly busy. My husband and I have been enjoying our free time together, even trying out archery. My job as a Social Media Manager takes up a lot of my time, as a job does. And I’ve consistently been in the gym.

2017 was a good year, self confidence-wise. I grew stronger, and focused on living in a positive mental state even when life got rough. Because, oh boy, those rough patches will really sweep that rug from under your feet.

2018 has been interesting, so far. I’ve encountered some situations where my sweet little bubble of positivity BURST wide open and in flooded anxious thoughts and in crept an attitude of pettiness. In a moment self despair, I cried out to God and asked Him what to do. He answered with, “JOY”. That was my “aha” moment. Why should I let circumstances that were unfair or out of my hands determine how joyful I was? So, that’s been my focus the last few months.

And the same outlook has applied to my ongoing fitness journey. I found myself wondering, “What next?” I absolutely LOVE my time in the gym, so I didn’t want to scale back my gym time just because I had reached my goal weight. After doing research, I decided to try and gain more muscle slowly by increasing my calorie intake and increase my weight lifting. And that’s been a fun journey! I really do like seeing my muscles grow and become defined. I’ve never felt as strong as I do now!

Of course, my days of self-doubt still creep in, but with a JOYFUL mindset, it’s been much easier to combat those negative feelings. I recently found a neat campaign called I WEIGH, created by actress Jameela Jamil. Jameela saw the destructiveness of labeling women by their weight or dress size. If you’ve read through my blog, you’ll notice that I’m passionate about women finding their self worth and value in their wholeness. That’s why I love Jameela’s campaign so much: she’s found a way to allow women to celebrate their achievements and goals on a platform that is usually shrouded with “fit teas” and pics of “women’s ideal body types”.

My hope for you, dear reader, is that wherever you are in your life, you remember that who you are is much more than numbers on a scale or what people say about you. What do you weigh?

What Moana Taught Me About My Anxiety

Don’t forget to share, comment, and like my blog post!

I’ve opened up about my anxiety on my blog before and discussed its unassuming face, its dark crevices; its deep waters. It’s difficult revealing details on this personal struggle, but there’s healing in knowing I can share my experiences with others (and the same when others share their stories with me). And sometimes, I find healing in unexpected places like a book I’m reading or during quiet moments. Recently, new revelations and healing came through Disney’s Moana. Who would have thought?

If you haven’t seen Moana yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s a great story of personal discovery, adventure, and listening to your heart. It’s also got some great musical numbers. The animation is beautiful and the voice actors do a perfect job of giving life to the characters.

Now, let me introduce you to Moana: she’s a young teen, living on the idealic island of Motonui where she’ll soon take her rightful place as island chief. But, Moana is restless. She wishes to travel beyond the reef to uncharted waters, but her father frowns upon on her exciting dreams, saying that leaving the island is too dangerous and that her place is as chief. When a darkness begins to consume Motonui, Moana soon realizes that she has no choice but to go beyond the reef to save her people. What ensues is nothing less than magical and adventurous. The entirety of the film is great, but there’s one scene that always makes me clutch my heart, no matter how many times I watch it.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!! Don’t read any more unless you’ve seen the movie or don’t mind finding out the ending.

At the climax of the movie, Moana must square up against Te Kā, the evil fire demon who must be vanquished in order for Motonui to be saved. Throughout the movie, Te Kā was seen as the villain; the monster, but just as Moana is getting ready to attempt defeat against Te Kā, she has a moment of clarity and realization: Te Kā is actually Te Fiti, the goddess who created Moana’s world. As explained at the beginning of the movie, Te Fiti’s heart was stolen from her, but we now find that this caused Te Fiti to turn into a literal heartless monster. Moana realizes she can’t kill Te Kā rather, she must come face-to-face with the monster. This is the part I always cry on. As Te Kā races violently towards Moana, Moana slowly approaches Te Kā. She’s not afraid. She’s sure of herself. She knows what she has to do. She braces herself as smoke, ash, and fire billow from Te Kāand tells Te Kā, “I have crossed the horizon to find you. I know your name. They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you. This is not you who are. You know who you are.” She returns Te Fiti’s heart and the fiery monster transforms into her former glorious self. It truly is a magical scene.

I once read that anxiety is a perversion of imagination. This wonderful gift of imagination that God has given us becomes a catalyst for fear and worry. It’s not as God intended. It’s a fiery monster; an angry shell of what was once beautiful and life-giving. What strikes me the most is that when Moana realized what she was up against, she didn’t run away. She didn’t back down and surrender. She LITERALLY walked up to that which scared her the most. She made a declaration to the fear she faced, “This is not who you are!”

But this does not define you.

I realized this was reflective of my personal experience with anxiety. Even in the most crippling moments, where fear has frozen in my my tracks, the best remedy for me was to face my “monster” head on. To tell it: Come to me. I know who you are, you fiery monster. Let me return your heart and gain back the power I once had.

This realization is poignant. It’s life-changing. This, along with Moana’s self-discovery, makes the movie much more than what it seems on the surface.

If you’re fighting against anxiety, or another frightful monster that darkens your days, I encourage you to look it in the eye and tell it, “You know who you are.” Then, be sure to tell yourself the same. Be sure. Be confident. Be a warrior.

Working on My Fitness, You’re My Witness.

It’s been a little over 8 months into my fitness journey. It’s been a busy several months and I haven’t blogged in a hot minute. (Hey! Keeping up good eating habits, working out, making moolah, getting enough sleep, and keeping up relationships is a lot of work!) My health goal was to: 1. Lose at least 10 lbs. 2. Begin to build muscle. 3. Gain overall strength. 4. BE CONFIDENT and AWESOME. 

To recap the start of my journey, check out my original blog post on my fitness journey. I wanted to reach my goals before Stephen and I went on our first anniversary trip to the Dominican Republic. Thankfully, I reached my weight goal and then some within a few months. I spent the next little while before the trip increasing the amount of weights I was lifting during my gym sessions so I could tone up. You can see my steady progress in the pictures below!  

Now the the trip has passed (which was AMAZING), I’ve tried to be more lenient within myself regarding my diet and gym time. Instead of going to the gym 5-6 times a week, I now try to go every other day, or 3-4 times. I’ve still been slowing increasing my weights and adding in heavier machine exercises to my workouts, as well as decreasing cardio. In order to make sure I’m fueling my body enough to build muscle, I increased my calorie allowance by nearly double. Surprisingly, that’s been the most difficult part: keeping up with the amount of calories I have to consume each day. I used a nifty app on my phone (S Health) to track my meals and make sure I’m meeting my calorie intake, as well as water intake, sleep cycles, daily steps, and exercise routines. It’s actually a great way for me to have a well-rounded view of my health and makes it easy to manage day-to-day health info.  

It’s been nice not having to be as strict with my diet and exercise, although I really enjoy my gym time and I look forward to reaching new goals! 

March 2017

March 2017

April 2017

May 2017

July 2017

Fabletics Review

I’m really trying to be better to my body! As I shared in my last blog post, I have committed to eating healthier and getting my booty to the gym. While I enjoy going to the gym now, I always had to choose from 3 old sports bras, shorts from 9th grade, and tattered tank tops. Since I work out more than 3 times a week, I was constantly having to wash my workout clothes so I would have something to wear. I’ve heard a lot about Fabletics from Kate Hudson’s cutesy tv commercials and their fab (see what I did there) social media ads. At the time I joined, they were having a new membership deal where purchasers would receive a 2-piece outfit for just 10 bucks. Seeing as their retail prices range from $40- $100, it was pretty good deal. Too good to pass up. So I joined. 

The good: The new sign-up deals are awesome. I ended up getting my 2-piece outfit plus another tank top on sale. I calculated the total retail for all 3 items and it came to $150!!!! I only paid $24 ($10 promo, $10 sale shirt, and $4 shipping). There are also a lot of options to choose from, so there are patterns and styles for everyone. The leggings fit well, length-wise.

Pretty cute Fabletics outift overall

The pants have the cutest pattern, but their so compressed OMG

The bad: The subsequent prices are pretty steep. You’ll pay anywhere from $39-$69+ for outfits after you sign up. And Fabletics is a subscription service (it actually operates under the shoe service Just Fab). So, each month, you have to log-in and skip the month so you’re not charged. If you do forget, you can use the credit to buy items down the line. Regarding the actual quality of the clothes, it’s not bad. However, the compression of the leggings is so strong that my legs have a hard time breathing during my workouts. The size small shirt is also way to big, so I have to tie it up.

The shirts is a small but still incredibly lo g making it hard to move around freely when working out

The fab: The items are cute and they really help put you in the mood to workout. A lot of consumers complained that they had a hard time cancelling their membership (versus just skipping individual months). I had to work up my nerve to call because I didn’t want the Fabletics rep trying to sell me into not cancelling. But, it wasn’t difficult at all. The rep was super nice and just asked why I wanted to cancel. And that was that. She mentioned that I always have the opportunity to re-join.   

Final Verdict: If you have a crazy active lifestyle or just feel the need to have 12 or more workout outfits delivered to your door each year, then Fabletics is for you. Obviously, since I cancelled my membership, Fabletics isn’t the route for me. My sister recommended Forever 21’s workout stuff, so I did place an order with them for 60 bucks. I got 3 sports bras, 1 pair of leggings, 1 pair of shorts, a jump rope, and a yoga mat. I was really impressed with the quality and would rather spend 60 bucks on a ton of workout gear rather than the same amount on 1 outfit.

Here’s my ultra cute Forever 21 outift. Much for comfortable than the Fabletics one.

But, here’s to continued growth, strength building, and healthy living no matter what I wear to them gym 🙂

My Journey So Far

In my last blog post (2016 In Review), I discussed how 2016 was an interesting year for me and my body image. I gained a little weight just before and after the wedding. I was falling into an unhealthy cycle of eating too much fast food/junk food and not be active enough. I drank juice and sugary lattes instead of water. After dinner, I’d lay on the couch and binge on Netflix. I skipped breakfast in the mornings and overeat at lunch and dinner. The funny thing about gaining weight is that it slowly creeps up on you. Since my weight hadn’t been an issue for me in the past, I let my unhealthy choices spiral out of control. I assumed my body would be unaffected. While my weight gain wasn’t extreme, I began to notice little changes in my body that pointed towards the bigger issue: I needed a lifestyle change. 

My insecurities finally came to a head when I ran into an old co-worker at the grocery store. She was extremely well-meaning and sweet, but she mentioned that she could tell life and marriage was going well for me because “my face looked full”. I was shocked that someone had essentially confirmed an insecurity that had been raging in my head for months. That’s when I decided enough was enough. Even if I didn’t reach my goal weight, I needed to treat my body and mind better than I had been. Thankfully, by being intentional about what I eat & drink and by making sure I’m burning off what I consume during the day, my body has responded positively. 

“Positive in, positive out”

Here’s what a typical day looks like for me now:

– I eat a balanced breakfast: hardboiled egg, piece of fruit/natural fruit bar, oatmeal, coffee with a splash of milk, etc. I try to plan my breakfast the night before so I’m not forced to eat something “easy” that would otherwise be junky.

– I’ve committed to drinking a gallon of water a day. Not only does this help curb my appetite and cravings for sugary snacks, but it helps flush my body of waste, help turn my food into energy, and keep my skin clear. I’m intentional about not drinking soda, non-fruit juice, sweet teas, etc. Typically, the only fluids I have during the day are coffee, hot tea, and water.

– I walk whenever I can instead of taking the elevator and I get up from my work desk every hour to get my heart rate up.

– For lunch and dinner, I make sure to eat a balanced meal that’s not too calorie heavy. I keep snacks like beef jerky or almonds at my desk so I don’t give in to the vending machine snacks that always seem to be calling my name. However, I don’t stop myself from indulging occasionally 🙂

– I’ve created a custom exercise plan that I really enjoy and look forward to each day. This month consists of cardio (I prefer a jog on and off the treadmill), high-intensity strength training, and ab/core exercises. For the nights I don’t feel like going to the gym, I will opt for a 30-minute dance workout (usually Keaira LaShae, who offers FUN workouts for your living room). I try not to eat within 2-3 hours of bedtime, as well as not sitting/laying down right after dinner.

– Not only have I been intentional about what I put in my body and what I work off, but also the state of my mind. I will light candles, make some tea, and sit in my room with soft music playing to de-stress before bed. It’s important that I not forget change begins within the mind!

I’m noticing small changes since the beginning of my journey. My strength is improving. I feel peppier throughout the day. My body is toning back up. I’m thankful I’m making better decisions for my body and mind. But, even as I continue on this journey, I consistently remind myself of some things I’ll take time to remind you of:

“I AM NOT JUST NUMBERS ON A SCALE; MY WORDS AND ACTIONS HAVE WEIGHT TO THEM”

“I AM MORE THAN THE CALORIES I CONSUME FOR I RETAIN KNOWLEDGE, SKILL, EXPERIENCES, AND WISDOM”

“MY BODY IS NOT PERFECT, BUT I CAN RESOLVE TO BE THE BEST WOMAN I CAN BE”

“MY WORTH IS NOT DEFINED BY MY BODY MASS, BUT BY MY KINDNESS AND STRENGTH”

I hope that my post encouraged you today. Remember, one step at a time is all it takes. 

2016 In Review

So, woah! Here we are again at the end of another year. It’s been a crazy one for sure! 2015 was an awesome year: I got engaged, got a new job, and made leaps and bounds in my personal growth. (You can read all about 2015 HERE). 

2016 was shaping up to be an even better year: Stephen and I were getting MARRIED, I was excited for new opportunities at work, and I was looking forward to even more personal achievements and challenages. Here are some highlights from the past year and what I’ve learned from them:
1. The Wedding: June 18, 2016 was probably one of the best days of my life. The day went off without a hitch and I’m so glad Stephen and I got to commit our lives to each other in front of family and friends AND enjoy a big party afterwards 🙂 The wedding taught me that you can never have too many people that you love all in the same place. You can read about the wedding HERE plus some of my planning tips and tricks,

2. Being Married: Before getting married, so many people told me that marriage was hard because you have to make the constant desicion to love your spouse. For Stephen and I, we haven’t found that to be true (because we already did that!). Maybe that’ll come down the line, but we’ve found that marriage, for us, means we have to look internally and have a self-assessment before attempting to resolve whatever issue we’re having. Yes, this means compromise is a HUGE part of marriage. But, I love being married to Stephen. We have such a fun, silly, honest, and meaningful relationship. I’m so excited for our future.

3. Personal Growth: Ugh, 2016 was a hard year for me and my body image. If you spend time with me, you know that I’m constantly preaching that self-worth and value lies in God and your personal view of yourself. This means that no other person should determine how you feel about your body, goals, dreams, etc.  I preach this so heavily because I’m preaching to the choir! I have to remind myself almost daily that I am not who the world says I am. I’ve always dealt with insecurities: my acne might be flaring up, women have told me my body type isn’t “womanly” enough, or I might be comparing my achievements with those around me. But this past year brought an insecurity I’ve never dealt with: my weight. When I moved across the country for college, I think I weighed 85 lbs. Slowly, throughout the past 6 years, I’ve gained weight and was happy with where I was. I had finally “filled out” and was a healthy weight, but for some reason, one day I woke up and thought I weighed too much. For months before the wedding, I worked out 7 days a week, hoping that my image of myself would change. When I made comments in passing, everyone around me said things I wanted to hear “Juana, you look GREAT!” “Juana, you are a skinny Minnie!” “Work out?? You don’t need to lose weight!”. But, for some reason, my body still bothered me. I wasn’t sure where the disconnect was happening and this is still an area I’m trying to figure out. I’m still trying to overcome whatever insecurities come my way, but I’m remembering each step of the way that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I’m sticking with making positive and healthy descions for my body, mind, soul!

2016 was a wild ride! It’s not a year I’ll soon forget. But, there are some AWESOME things I’m looking forward to in 2017!

1. My sister’s WEDDING! It’s going to be off the chain and I can’t believe she’s getting married! #WillardYouBeMine

2. Stephen’s and my 1st wedding anniversary. We’re trying to plan a fun getaway! #BlessedToBeBrown

3. Improved self-image.

4.  Continued oppurtunities at work and in my personal life.

Here’s to 2017!

That’s YOU! ⬆️💋

Follow me on social!

Instagram: @JuanaHelena

Snapchat: @Juana_Helena

Twitter: @Juana_Helena